Kickin' Rocks

with Don Pennington

 Disc brake kit or five gallons of Bondo... it's all good

There is this big giant throbbing ball filled with a whirlwind of fire and lightning, it is in this ultra powerful unseen sci-fi mega zone and has the answers for everything from a cure for Saab-buyeritis to the Big Bang to why Pee Wee Herman goes to the movies. I know why Pee Wee goes to the movies  (actually I was told about it by an unnamed source), I don't car about anything to do with Saabs and the rest seems too cosmic to understand. After months of endless research and pondering all the evidence I now believe that there is indeed a force of some sort that controls things, The Force that no human can resist.

Day one in an average car kid's life includes pushing a toy car around in the dirt, with noises. By day two one car isn't enough and the hunt begins to acquire another, then another and so on. To date I have not found anyone who admits playing in the dirt, especially with noises,  but you and I know it happened. This many years later the lure continues and now includes all sorts of stuff, without the dirt in most cases however the intrigue of doing it in the dirt remains strong, sliding a roadster around  for hours and hours sounds like great fun to me. The main thought here is that playing with cars and bringing more and more home has been with us since way back when, and if it's okay for little kids it must be okay for the big guys too. Best of all the gathering or cars and car stuff is beyond our control, the Force is with us.

Collecting cars and the all important support paraphernalia (spelled s-t-u-f-f) is very important to the future of the world. In fact if you are into cars and you don't have the stuff then you may be a fringe player and are not a true car guy, it may be time to consider getting into lawn mower repair or collecting antique bowling trophies. "Stuff" is defined in our dictionary as any item you think you should have before anybody else gets it, regardless of need, value, size, condition, available space or family interference. Stuff is essential to our well-being. Car people also collect antiques, but not all antique collectors have cool cars, so they are different. These different people, the anti-hoi polloi see their hoarding activities as socially acceptable and when asked what their hobbies are, with head held high and teeth tightly clinched they utter (for best effect mash your teeth, push out your lower jaw and then say...) "we do antiques". A hundred years or more after the first hot rods started appearing on the streets (which qualifies them to be antiques in most circles), they and their owners still have a greaser level of acceptance in the regular world. If you collect antiques you are a person of sensibility and taste, if you collect cars and stuff you are some kind of social freak.

Regardless of  how regular people see us (who cares), we will do what we do until the end, the Force will allow nothing less. You can easily spot a real car guy by the fenders leaning up against the side of his garage, at least one dead parts car parked out front or flower beds that won't grow rocks because of the oil someone dumped here. One great thing about bringing stuff home is that you always have an answer for the biscuit burner when she asks "why did you drag that junk home?" She most likely won't buy the "cosmic Force made me do it" pitch so simply and quietly tell her that you need it for a "surprise" that you are planning for someone very close to you, do this with a sly smirkey come-hither smile, she'll think it's her. A word of advise here, never attack her for using the "J" word,  that just pushes the discussion in a direction that usually results in your adding to the dreaded honey-do list to get out of the hole you just dug for yourself.

Each year the "goodie collecting season" comes around, better known as Christmas. Some people think that the recent trend of starting the retail Christmas season in August is a bit early. I don't, it expands the play zone, the arena of hide and seek, you have plenty of time to leave hints and then find the hidden presents. Your wife and kids will like it too, especially when they haven't got the gifts yet and can watch you looking high and low for months. Normally you have to find your own stuff and drag it home, Christmas changes that by getting someone else to drag it, and pay for it too! Usually Christmas only gets you knicky-knacky stuff. It's hard to get the wife and kiddies zeroed in on a disc brake kit or five gallons of Bondo for that "real cherry" ‘29 high-boy pick-up body (so the ad said) the Force made you drag home. It's really important that everyone in the house is in a sympathetic mode about your collecting. Getting stuff at Christmas is cool, but getting the stuff you want is even better, this is our challenge. There are several ways to get your message across, you can cut out pictures of stuff and leave them around the house like little rat remnants, or start ordering catalogs and while watching TV make some not-too-drooly comment then leave the catalog open to that item for a week or so, or just make a list and pop rivet it to the refrigerator door, that'll get her attention. How about this personal shopper deal? Getting one of your friends appointed to the job would work pretty good, but that might be a long shot.

We all have a circle of friends that collect stuff too. Collecting stuff has become such a big deal that there are times when we are not sure if everyone in the circle still owns a car. We know he has some cool tether cars, a restored gas pump or two and all manner of neat hot rod memorabilia displayed with great pomp and circumstance in every available corner of the house and garage, but then we must pause for a moment to think whether he still has a car or not. Maybe that's not important, this group however may be your most powerful Christmas tool. The next time you guys are together, suggest that you visit each other's home and leave a clear message, "I know what Rodzy would like for Christmas, he doesn't know that I am telling you this but....". Usually the wives talk amungst themselves, but this is one area where the girls don't compare notes because they want "their idea" to be special for their guy, so everyone in your circle can leave pretty much the same message, word for word. Just like every day of your life, Christmas (and everything else) is so much more fun when you get what you want.

Kick a Rock

DP