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Kickin'
Rocks
Mud and Old Hot Rods- It's All Good
If you're a real hot rodder, then you like sprint car racing, and if you like sprint cars you must like the Olympics! Well- that seems to be a bit of a stretch, so let me explain. I just can't wait any longer. I am so pumped that I have to go out and run around the shop once every hour to keep excessive amounts of testosterone from fouling my brain. It's been four years, but finally the Olympics are almost here. Every time those guys put out that torch, the old head droops and the lower lip goes up, all bummed out that I can't watch 24/7 running and jumping and boat paddling and antenna ball tossing. Finally after a week or two my wife says "okay, I've had enough... why don't you go buy something for your car, maybe that'll change your attitude", hmmmm... yup... that'll do it, loaning Mr. VISA to just about anybody in the hot rod parts business can solve all sorts of problems, I even saw that help out with some marital distress recently... did you know that divorce lawyers take VISA now? Anyway- the games were over but it wasn't all bad because it used to be that the Winter Games were just a few months away and I had some new stuff for the car. A decade or two ago, they moved the Winter Games so it is now two long years after the Summer Games, not what the Olympic groopies would have preferred, but it'll do. This time the Olympic fathers are going to add some more sports with the most interesting to a red blooded hot rod male being... WOMEN'S WRESTLING! It's about time! Me and the boys have been interviewing participants in this landmark sport down at the Almost Inn for years. The flying mud part is the best, reminds me of turn four at the sprint car races. Did you ever wonder why nobody sits in turn four at the sprint car races? I didn't know either until we went to out first "dirt track sprayed with water" sprint car race. Arriving just before the first heat race we noticed the stands were packed, except for one spot. "Man... look at all those empty seats over there... look at that, right on the rail... and in turn four too, let's sit there! This is the coolest of the cool!" And it was cool... until the first car slid through turn four for the first time. A byproduct of racing sprint cars on dirt that has been soaked watered is... MUD! Flying chunks of mud! Hence the connection between hot rodders, sprint car racing and the Olympics.
One great thing about the Olympics it puts the normal sports on the back burner for a couple of weeks. One of those is the "my stuff is cooler than your stuff" competition, men only... both singles and team relay. This competition naturally begins when more than one hot rodder gets together, it may not be obvious that the game has begun, but it has. Now this is not a bad thing, it keeps your brain sharp and exercises your socio-political communication skills, how nice can you make a dig sound and still drop the bomb on your buddy's psyche (I had to look this up... it's "cy-key"... which is yuppie talk for our fat headed opinions of ourselves). When we were growing up and flapping our jaws before engaging brain (I still do this way too often), there would usually be some immediate feedback highlighted by the proverbial brick whizzing past your ear. Later years the brick has been replaced by "cease and desist" letters or some of those papers wrapped in a light blue folders personally delivered by a total stranger who somehow knows you name. These usually come from guys that can't take a joke, fortunately most of our buddies realize that it's all good fun and just answer with their own caustic retorts, which inspires us to do likewise... and so on and so on. Ain't it fun?
In the hay day of the top fueler (that would be the 60s when oil baths and flash burns around your goggles were badges of being a real man) the one-ups-manship wars were hot and heavy. Everybody was caught up in the trick of the week deal which I am convinced was all BS started by one fuel monkey trying to convince another fuel monkey that his stuff was cooler than your stuff, accented by a lie or two that apparently made him run must faster. At this point the rumor mill plugs in and before you can walk the pits the horsepower monger's phones are ringing and orders for the trick stuff that whatzit has are stacking up. The order guy would say something like "he has the same stuff you do", but being the way we are... that was obviously a lie, ...it's a conspiracy... they are trying to keep the bitchin stuff off my car. "Just send me what he's using, don't care what you call it, you don't have to tell me what he's doing... just send it!" It's all about being better than the other guy and having bragging rights when you end up in that pitchin' circle with your buddies. I think front motor top fuel racing should be in the Olympics.
Just about every competitive past time experiences the "I Be Cool" brain bubble. Hot rodding is no different. Somewhere there is this secret bunker where the billet underworld got together and schemed how to take over the world. And they almost won, coming up with billet everything except chastity belts (probably shouldn't have mentioned that, next week they'll be out in five brilliant annodized colors, some with little Chevrolet bow ties or flames ball milled into them). This trick of the week deal is alive and well on the golf course. One thing that the hot rodder has that the Hogan guys don't is the reappearing of the old stuff. Can you imagine Tiger Woods going back to a wood shafted mashy to punch that ball out there 300 yards? Once new golf stuff comes out yesterday's top dog is junk. The rat rod craze (hopefully without those parts falling off and smacking Titus' noggin, some folks wish they might... (not me...I like Titus), anyway- the rat rods, the old school traditional hot rod, the 60s customs and the front motored top fuelers coming back show that we should never throw anything away.
The great thing about screwing with cars is that there are as many ideas as there are cars and you can keep bringing the old stuff back, it all seems to come back sooner of later, it's just a matter of time before it's cool gain. We can just gather these things around, sit in the middle and watch then swirl around us, grinnin' at the memories. It's all good.
Kick a Rock DP
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