Kickin' Rocks

with Don Pennington

Career Moves and the Halibrand Casket

 Today may be the most important day in your career, actually a new career within your career. As soon as you get to work, toss your lunch onto the shelf next to the dumpster and march with purpose into your boss' office and begin expounding with confidence and at a significant volume level, that you have something that will give the company earth shattering advantages over the competition and will also put giant Peacock colored feathers in his corporate ladder climbing arss. And... AND... not only do you have one of these gems, but you have two! At that point there is a moment of silence as he gets off the phone wipes the mouth blubbering coffee off his shirt and gathers his thoughts to give you his normal double barreled response to your ideas. Watch him closely and when his coffee cup is about to touch down on the saucer and the laws of his world are about to explode from his lips, you jump in and say, "and... you will have the undying respect of everyone in the joint!" "Well" he thinks, "I've got to hear this". As his attitude changes from a D-Day beach storming persona to one of curiosity' his thoughts continue to... "I'm gonna hear this car freak out, if this isn't any good I'm gonna fire him, shoulda done it years ago."

You see... in life there are things we haven't got the juice to screw with, and there are things we can. Knowing what you're real power is and understanding just how far down the food chain your link is, can make your life... seem better. The Internet has given most of us the answer. All we need is a cubby hole at work where we can go on ebay and become... "hot rod mega dealer". The trick is getting someone else to buy the computer, put it in his office, pay for it and give you a paycheck too! So we need to set-up this business at work. Attacking the boss's office is the first step.

The stage is set. Start by saying that you know he is not big on computers, but you can help with that and believe that your ideas, which you are pleased to let him take credit for, will give the company a HUGE advantage in the marketplace and make a HUGE pile of cash in the process, and you wouldn't be a bit surprised if he got a bump up the ladder and a big raise! Slight pause until his look says, tell me more. Wait... make him ask for it. When he does, spring it on him. You say, since the company's jump into Internet sales it's really critical to be faster than the competition, so you have found a lightning fast operating system for the computers that nobody else may be aware of, and that if he spearheaded setting this up, he could name it after himself Dom S. Laughingstock, it could be called... oh... DSL. "Man oh man boss, you'll be known world wide!". That's idea number one.

To complete getting what you want, you need idea one and idea two in a package deal. Stack on the second earth shaker which has questionable value to the company, but you need it for the your big picture, so get pedal to the metal while his ego wave is cresting.  Tell him that you have seen times when the commotion in the office has caused confusion, and could have cost the company huge piles of cash, and a simple change would solve the problem. The computer terminals should be isolated and yours should be way over there in the corner (where you could see anyone coming, and nobody can get behind you to see what's on your screen). With your proposal complete, press him to put things in place NOW, you would be happy to be the go-to guy and have everything working before lunch and coincidentally before that Halibrand quick change goes off on ebay about 1:17.  Push hard... you need this. Bosses need to realize, that as hot rod guys, we need to play at least 16 of the 24. That means that a significant part of our play time must be during working hours. We still need to do the honey things at home, mowing and such, not to mention keeping those early evening beer/nap episode and hot rod cuddling time is not lost. We like work, and of course with the proposed changes, we'd like it better.

If there is a holy grail in hot rods, it's buying and selling parts and stuff. I think the obsession that overcomes a hot rodder when he sees a Halibrand quick change may be very much like how the ladies feel about the child birth experience, you really want it and plan for it but some times it's as Gomer Pyle said... surprise, surprise, surprise...all of a sudden when you're not looking, it just happens, and you've got to take it home! Wouldn't Halibrand be a cool name for a kid, and it fits, they drip all over the place and make ungodly howling noises all the time. Back to the original thought, dealing in parts is a hot rodders life's blood, it may be a bigger deal that the car itself. Having parts inspires a whole universe, you get parts, then you need a place to put them. Since the wife has instituted an order against car parts in the family room, you need space in the yard or the garage, and since another order has come down about unapproved yard art, you need a bigger garage. The garage is there to have space to build a car (playing with parts), keep your for sale inventory and maintain the museum of keeper parts. It's all about parts.

The best place to pursue our new career is at work, we've got almost eight hours of free time... everyday. With the new work station in place and out of view of the security cameras, we can get on ebay and buy, buy, buy... sell, sell, sell. As with all money making endeavors there are certain things that are good business practice, and some that aren't. A suggestion, try not to ship your sold items on the company's UPS tab or use their boxes and foam peanuts, and don't have your new purchases shipped to the office. Another thought, if you set-up a system of accounts within the company's computer to manage your deals, be a little creative with the customer names. Since you work for the National Casket Company in the customer service department (there is no real hurry to solve your customer's problems), you might not want customer names such as ABC Towing or All-American Wrecking or Hot Rod Condoms on the company's customer list, they tend to stand out among the names of the dearly departed. I've heard that some more narrow minded bosses frown on these practices and may ask you to pursue your new career elsewhere. This is not good for your expansion plans. If you handle it right, soon your gross volume will exceed the company's gross volume, and you can buy them out, become a boss, and spend all your time worrying about your trusted employees doing their business on your time! But good things could happen, soon we will be able to buy caskets with flames, tuck and roll interiors, louvers and maybe a Halibrand quick change.

Kick dirt in the hole.

DP